Sunday, September 13, 2009

Karma Hits the Fan

"The plumbing's backed up and flooded my apartment," JD emailed us from the ranch last Wednesday. He had just gotten back from a 10 day business trip to Japan. We were wrapping up our prolonged LA stay, having finished supporting LA's medical profession (nothing serious, thank you) and getting ready to return, too.

JD could hardly wait to give us the whole blow-by-blow, chunk-by-chunk.

"So, I get back from Tokyo 2 days ago and I'm driving back from LAX, but I'm so burnt out from the flight -- you know how it is -- that I get as far as Pismo and I'm too tired to keep driving so I spend the night at K's. I'm jet-lagged so I get up at 5 the next morning and head home and that's when I notice there's water or something on the kitchen floor. That's strange, I think, but get my new mop and mop it up. I'm on the computer for a while before I notice there's a funky smell...where's it coming from? That's when I step into the small bedroom. My feet sink into this gushy mess, it smells like Calcutta on a really bad day, I notice this brown sludge everywhere... It's gotten on everything on the floor and moved up from there...The bathroom! Shit! Literally. Everywhere. I think the sewage had exploded from the shower drain and toilet. I had to throw away the toilet lid and shower curtain..." JD was exploding with the force of the story.

"I can't really spray everything clean, because the plumbing's backed up, so I get all my towels and start mopping it up but I realize then I have no cleaners so I go to the store for some rubber gloves and Lysol or something. When I come back, I find out that while I was in town, R. had taken a shower and there was new shit all over the place!!"
"You mean, you didn't run upstairs and tell J & R about the plumbing as soon as you found out?"
"I told you, I was jet-lagged!"
We nodded, because we knew how that could be.

By the time we got back to the ranch, though, the plumber had already been there to fix the problem and the carpet people had re-carpeted the bedroom, so there was mostly just the mess in the bathroom to have to deal with. Big Dog and I, in our rubber gloves, were armed with bottles of bleach and other cleansers.

"I'll bet there are a few women who would say JD had this coming to him," I had to laugh. "Karmic payback time!"
"Yeah, I'm sure [his most recent ex-wife] would definitely be happy to hear he had so much shit in his life."
"The one before her, too, as well as all those on-line dating site women he's already gone through."

JD goes through relationships at a frightening pace. 4 marriages (or 3 depending on whether or not you counted the second "marriage" which was annulled) and god knows how many girlfriends... There's bound to be a bit of sewage back-up.

But why were we cleaning up the crap, too? What did we do to deserve this? (well...Big Dog, maybe. But not me!!)

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Saturday, September 05, 2009

Growing Up

"So, are you going out for a birthday dinner?" asked Big Dog's sister, day before yesterday. I couldn't tell her that there aren't many restaurants I want to go to here. Tokyo really has spoiled me!

"Well, you can't be cooking on your own birthday!" she said, so I had to (somewhat sheepishly) tell her that no, I wasn't cooking. We were having leftovers instead.

I'm sure she was thinking "Leftovers! On your birthday?" but the truth of the matter is I've already had way more than my share of lavish celebrations. Today, it all feels a bit unreal when I try to remember aspects of my past life. Mountains of gifts from people I never met, didn't know...giant bouquets and lavish presents from staff...decadent dinners with friends... If I am eating leftovers on my birthday, it's only because my life needs the balance more.

So, there was no cake, no candles, no gifts this year but I am still filled with joy and wonder at growing up. I think that's pretty good!