The New Gophers

...are the squirrels.

Back at The Ranch, yes, the gophers are still there, but their territory is being invaded by bigger, badder, more fearless squirrels.

These are not the cute guys scurrying up a tree. These are ground squirrels that dig giant tunnels, eat up your veggies, and probably scare away the gophers. They've always been a problem for "the other valley" and if you've been to Morro Rock, you might have seen them begging tourists for junk food. Living on a diet of chips, fries and other junk, they are super-sized guys with big, pear-shaped asses.

Ours are healthier. In fact, the one that lives closest to the house loves to do calisthenics.

"Look!" I point to the deer fence. A squirrel is hanging on the wire, like it's doing chin-ups or something.

"Get me the gun!" Big Dog whispers, frozen by the back door.

"Shit." When I return with his .22, the squirrel has jumped off. But as if to taunt Big Dog, a moment later, he is back, hanging on the fence again. Big Dog raises his gun again. Critter jumps away. Nyah nyah nyah.

We're going to get live animals traps. Lots and lots of them. And then I'm going to skin them for hats, and dress them for jerky. Everyone will get some "squirky" for Christmas this year. And maybe some squirrel skin caps. At least I can dream, can't I? Happy Earth Day!