Monday, September 25, 2006


I've realized what my problem is.
The Ranch really has a hold on me.
I didn't realize it all the time I was here, but last week, when we finally left the area to go to LA, I think the distance gave me a bit of clarity. Made me think about all the places in the world I haven't been to and would like to. I began talking about that apartment in Paris we were going to rent, the houseboat we were going to float through Europe, that trip to Brazil…Tibet…

When I am here, it's as if the rest of the world doesn't even exist. I am so enamored with this land I can't think of any other. Sometimes I can't believe I really live here, I think it's so beautiful. I love it. It makes me feel closer to something divine.

I'm like that guy who's going out with someone he thinks is a total knockout, a Ten, and can't believe his lucky stars.

Big Dog doesn't get it. He's not under the spell. He sees her blemishes, her personality quirks. All he can think about is what needs to be "fixed."

"She's a drain on your money."
"She's not THAT hot."
"How about someone who's not quite so high-maintenance?"

And like that guy who is completely head over heels, I am defensive. When BD makes comments like that, or talks about "getting rid of" this place, I get angry. How dare he! How dare he say anything bad about MY girl!

Wonder if it has anything to do with all the apples I've been eating.


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